How to talk with your parents about end-of-life wishes
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THE SHORT ANSWER
Start small and start early. A light opener, like a question card game or a story you heard, often works better than a formal sit-down. Ask about care near the end of life and what should happen afterward, then help your parents put the answers in writing.
At our October webinar, founder Lauren Fink pointed out that it is often adult children, not parents, who push for end-of-life planning. They don’t want to be left guessing what Mom or Dad would have wanted. Mortician and end-of-life doula Angela Woosley of Inspired Journeys shared what has worked for the families she serves.
Find an easy way in
Some parents bring it up on their own. Angela laughed that her mother would announce, in the middle of lunch, one more thing she didn’t want at her funeral. For everyone else, she suggested conversation card decks such as The Death Deck, Go Wish cards and Have the Talk of a Lifetime. They turn a heavy topic into a set of simple questions.
A news story or something you learned can work too. “I heard about green burial. Have you ever thought about that?” is easier to say than “We need to talk about your funeral.”
Questions worth asking
Angela suggested covering care at the end of life as well as what happens afterward:
- Would you rather be at home at the end, or somewhere with full medical care?
- Who do you want with you? Is a chaplain or faith leader important to you?
- Do you want burial or cremation? Have you heard about green burial, water cremation or human composting?
- Is there a place that matters to you?
- Who should be in charge of your arrangements?
When the answer is a joke
Angela said plenty of Minnesota dads answer with some version of “just throw me in a ditch.” You can’t do that, she said, but a simple natural burial gets close. A joke is often a parent’s way of saying “keep it simple,” and that is worth writing down.
Respect faith and family traditions
Many traditions already favor simple, natural care. Angela noted that Jewish and Muslim burials often avoid cremation and keep burial as simple as possible, and that Ojibwe and Dakota traditions in Minnesota often include an overnight wake and a funeral process over four days. Ask your parents which practices matter to them.
Turn the answers into a plan
A conversation is a start, but wishes need to be in writing to be carried out. Your parent can name the person they want in charge and record their wishes in a health care directive. Here is how to put funeral wishes in writing in Minnesota.
Watch the full webinar
Watch the full webinar with Angela Woosley and Lauren Fink, then share it with your family as a conversation starter.
Talk with a Minnesota elder law attorney
Everbright Legacy Law helps families across the Twin Cities plan for aging, care and the end of life from our office in Richfield. If you want help putting your wishes in writing, schedule a consultation.
Keep reading
This article is general information, not legal advice. Every situation is different. Facts attributed to Angela Woosley come from the Oct 22, 2026 webinar; laws and provider options change, so confirm details with a licensed funeral provider or an attorney.
Frequently
Asked Questions
When should you talk to your parents about end-of-life wishes?
Before there is a health crisis. Conversations are easier while everyone is well and nothing has to be decided right away.
How do I start the conversation?
Try a light opener, such as a conversation card deck or a question about something you read, rather than a formal meeting.
What if my parent doesn't want to talk about it?
Keep it short and come back to it. Small questions over time often work better than one long talk.
How do we make my parent's wishes official?
Your parent can write their wishes and name the person in charge of their arrangements in a health care directive. An elder law attorney can help make sure it is done correctly.
The Everbright Way
Everbright Legacy Law is a Minnesota elder law firm in Richfield, serving families across the Twin Cities and greater Minnesota. Our attorneys are members of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA), and we integrate licensed social workers with our legal team to deliver coordinated life care planning that goes beyond documents.
Schedule an introductory consultation with Everbright Legacy Law.
