When Connection Becomes a Con: Understanding Romance Scams
It starts with a message. A friend request from a kind face. A few exchanged stories. A connection that feels rare. Within weeks, there are daily good-morning texts, late-night conversations, and a sense that this person genuinely cares.
Then comes the first ask. A small one. Then a bigger one.
Romance scams are among the most painful forms of fraud, because they target the heart before the wallet. According to a national AARP survey conducted in November 2025, one in six adults reported that they or someone they knew had lost money to a romance scam. Older adults who are widowed, divorced, or living far from family are especially vulnerable.
May is National Elder Law Month. This year’s theme, Protecting Rights, Fighting Scams, is a chance to look at how these scams unfold and what families can do.
How romance scams develop
Romance scammers find their targets on social media, dating sites, and apps. The early signs are subtle:
- The person says they live, work, or travel far away and cannot meet in person.
- They have a thin online presence with few photos and few connections.
- They quickly suggest moving the conversation off the platform to a private messaging app.
- They contact you constantly and may say “I love you” early.
- They plan video calls or visits that always fall through at the last minute.
- They use terms like “honey” or “sweetheart” instead of your name.
Then, an emergency. A medical bill. A stuck shipment. A surprise visit that needs an airfare. The requests often come in non-traceable forms like cryptocurrency, gift cards, or wire transfers.
Why these scams hit so hard
Romance scam losses are not just financial. Many victims describe a deep grief when the relationship ends, layered with shame about being deceived. That shame keeps people silent, and silence is exactly what the scammer needs to continue.
The most important thing to know: being scammed is not a failure of judgment. These scams are designed by professionals who study how loneliness, loss, and connection work. Recognizing that is the first step toward speaking up.
How to protect yourself and the people you love
- Slow the relationship down. Real connections do not require urgency.
- Reverse-search any photo a new contact sends you. Stolen photos are common.
- Never send money or share financial details with someone you have not met in person.
- Talk regularly with trusted friends and family about new relationships. They can spot patterns you cannot.
- If a “partner” asks you to keep the relationship secret, treat that as a warning sign, not a sign of intimacy.
Where Everbright Legacy Law comes in
This is one of the scams where the relationship between law and social work matters most. Isolation is a clinical concern. So is the impact of grief, recent loss, or major life transitions on decision-making. When families come to us worried about a loved one’s new relationship, we approach the conversation as a team. An attorney can review accounts, document changes, and put protective structures in place. A licensed social worker can help the family talk about what is happening without losing the relationship itself.
Everbright Legacy Law is the only Minnesota law firm integrating licensed social workers with legal services. That integration changes what is possible when these situations arise.
Where to turn for help, all year round
- National Elder Fraud Hotline: 833-FRAUD-11
- AARP Fraud Watch Network Helpline: 877-908-3360
- AARP fraud victim support groups (free, online)
- Minnesota Adult Abuse Reporting Center (MAARC): 1-844-880-1574
If you are worried about a parent, sibling, or close friend, you are not overreacting. Call us at (952) 925-4147 or email hello@everbrightlegacy.com. The sooner the conversation starts, the more options remain.
